GOLD

germanystuck:

the worst feeling is when one of your friends brings up a kink that you kinda like but then they’re like “IDK WHY PEOPLE LIKE THAT SORT OF THING THAT’S WEIRD” and you just (sweats quietly)

dad: you look nice
dad: where are you going
dad: will there be boys there
dad: do i know their parents
dad: be home by 11
me:
me:
me:
me: i'm just taking selfies

earthdad:

don’t ever talk to someone while you’re horny it is a bad idea and you’ll regret it

bettywhite4ever:

I wanna be hot enough to make people question their sexual orientation

egberts:

if you try to tell me cold doesnt have a smell you’re wrong

when its really cold you can literally smell how cold it is

frlcker:

do u ever wonder how many people’s dreams you have been in

tonessawicki:

why does everyone look so surprised when i say the reason for cutting my hair short is the hot weather, what were u expecting “i need to take my father’s place in war and the chinese army won’t accept women” ???